The Four Absolutes / Theocharis Recovery House

The Four Absolutes – The Oxford Group

The Four Absolutes – The Oxford Group

What are the four absolutes?

The “Four Absolutes” of Alcoholics Anonymous were considered “yardsticks” in earliest days of the recovery program —standards for determining appropriate behavior as measured through God’s eyes.  The Four Absolutes are Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness, and Love.  These are guides to keep you in tune with God’s will in your life.

The Absolutes are the essence of Jesus’ teachings about the will of God, ideals for our life, moral standards by which our thoughts and actions may be tested for harmony with Gods will, and the keys to the spiritual life God wishes us to lead.

Although some believed these absolutes are impossible to obtain, they were guidelines to help determine whether a course of action was directed by God. The Four absolutes are a great tool for anyone; for those in recovery they are an essential way to keep on the path and help us take a look at our motives.

  

The Four Absolutes

How were they formed?

The Four Absolutes were initially written in 1904 by Christian author Robert Speer, and later would become a part of the teachings of The Oxford Group

The principles behind The Four Absolutes come from the teaching of Jesus in the bible.

What is The Oxford Group?

The Oxford Group was a movement started in 1921 by Frank Buchman, a minister from Allentown, PA; was founded as a return to early century Christianity originally in 1908.

Buchman believed that the personal problems of fear and selfishness were the root of all societal problems. Further, Buchman believed that the solution to living with fear and selfishness was to surrender one’s life over to God‘s Plan.

Some of the fundamental spiritual practices of The Oxford Group were, share our sins and temptations with another Christian, surrender our life past, present and future, into the God’s keeping and direction, Have restitution to all whole we have wronged directly and indirectly and to listen to God’s guidance and carry it out.

The Oxford Group used the Four Absolutes in three specific ways:
1 – As a way to take inventory of our past to see where and how we fell short, so that we could learn what areas of our life needed to be worked on.
2 – During meditation or while being inspired or guided by our Inner Voice, as a way to differentiate between “God” thoughts and human thoughts.
3 – As a standard of living God’s Will, moment by moment.

Most of the Alcoholics Anonymous Program we know today was based off teachings of The Oxford Group.

The Four Absolutes – Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness, and Love

The Four Absolutes are put into practice by asking 4 questions. We have to remind our self in the morning, and as we go through our day the following questions before acting or speaking:

 · Is it true or is it false? – Honesty

· Is it right or is it wrong? – Purity

· How will this affect another fellow? – Unselfishness

· Is it ugly or beautiful? –Love

Honesty- Is it True or Is It False?

Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness (both verbally and through our actions), along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc.

When in active addiction this may seem like a foreign concept to us; now in recovery we are told that complete honesty is a must! It’s a big change for most of us to take in all at once.  The real virtue of honesty lies in the persistent dedication of striving for it.

We need to leave our rationalizations by the wayside and stop the self-deceiving that is in our nature and ask our self “is it true or false?”

The unrelenting pursuit of truth will set us free.

Purity – Is it Right or Is It Wrong?

Purity is defined as the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, or pollutes.  Purity is a flawless quality.  The question asked “is it right or wrong?” is not a hard concept for us to grasp. Often, even in the grips of our addiction, we were aware of the difference between right and wrong. We are often faced with decisions that are tough for us. We often times know what the right thing is to do but we struggle to do it. By practicing this absolute we are better able to make choices and decisions based on the right thinking that will help us line up our lives with Gods will.

Purity as in Honesty the virtue lies in striving for it, we will also be in constant pursuit. This is a great way to check your motives and find out if we have hidden agendas.

Unselfishness- How will this affect another fellow?

Unselfishness is defined as the quality of not putting yourself first, but being willing to give your time, money, or effort etc. Coming into recovery this is often a shift in paradigm for us. We have spent most of our lives thinking of ourselves first, even if we were unaware that we were doing it.

What we gain in sobriety is directly proportionate to what we give away. Once we have realized this and devote time to helping others, we realize that this is the cornerstone of the recovery program.

When analyzing what we are about to do, say, or decide we must first take a look at how this will affect others around us. We have to find out what controls our actions –self-interest or God-interest? This will help us find out if we are self-directed or God-directed.

Love- Is It Ugly or Is It Beautiful?

Love is beauty, it is also an action word. When we are in active addiction, we are in the depths of fear, physical agony, mental torture, and spiritual starvation. We need a complete change. We find that in love, in giving love we receive it. Unless we give love, our progress will be lost.

If something is truly beautiful then it is love. Love is not a feeling it is a decision.

Why is this important for recovery?

When working a program of recovery, we know that taking inventory is vital for our sobriety. Here are some of the questions that are asked in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that are in line with The Four Absolutes

Step 4 –  BB pg. 67

Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened

Step 10 BB pg. 84

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty and fear.

Step 11 BB pg. 86

Where we were resentful, selfish, dishonest and afraid.

The Four Absolutes and the questions associated with them are a helpful way to do the right thing when the answer is not obvious.

Answering these queries every day with absolute integrity, and following the dictates of those answers, one day at a time, will surely lead us well on our journey toward applying the Absolutes.

Theocharis Recovery House

Enabling a Loved One with an Addiction Only Makes Matters Worse

Helping another, especially a loved one, is human nature. However, understanding how to support someone with an addiction without enabling them is key.

Helping another, especially a loved one, is human nature and the intention to support someone with an addiction often becomes greater when witnessing their struggles. However, understanding the right ways in which to help is essential and good intentions often become misconstrued by unknowingly becoming an enabler to the person you are trying to assist through recovery.

So, what exactly does it mean to enable addiction and what can you do to avoid becoming an enabler? There are several ways in which an enabler feeds the habit of the one they are trying to help. But how do you know when you’re enabling someone with their addiction and what should you do to help rather than hinder?

Learn About Their Habit and the Struggles Involved

First and foremost, educate yourself about your loved one’s dependence. Understanding the habit, behaviourisms and triggers that feed a craving will not only allow you to see their struggle more clearly but also teach you the tools necessary in order to assist in their rehabilitation.

Do Not Make Excuses on Their Behalf

Do not assist in covering up an addict’s behaviour. Whether it is making an excuse to get out of a work commitment or lying on their behalf in order to protect them; the longer you participate in assisting with their avoidance issues, the longer you will both take to gain the necessary help required to manage the addiction.

Allow Lawmakers to do Their Job

Many habits undertaken by an addicted individual are illegal, so getting into trouble by the law is often likely. Let lawmakers do their job in the professional manner they were trained to do. Offer support based upon their advice. Oftentimes, such drastic circumstances can result in an addict realising just how much help they actually need.

Do Not Provide Money to Feed or Encourage a Habit

Whether it is paying bills, rent or providing cash to an addict, such gestures only encourage continuation along a downward path. Addicts can be very convincing in order to feed their habit or cover up their financial strife. Learn to say no.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

If you have had a serious discussion with your loved one about their addiction and stated that certain consequences will be laid into place, such as having to leave the family home or not providing access to a car, stand by your statements. If you retract on what are intended to be lessons for the learning, you are enabling an addict to continue their behaviour.

Discuss the Situation Openly and Honestly

Don’t be afraid to talk. Avoidance is a key cause of continued issues. Addiction is still considered a blasé subject that is difficult to discuss. However, being open encourages someone with an addiction to share their difficulties and provides them with an outlet to voice their worries and concerns.

Don’t Be Afraid to Apply Tough Love

Tough love is never easy but sometimes it is the only way to truly help someone struggling with an addiction. Allowing an individual to understand the consequences of their actions, no matter how difficult it may be, is crucial.

Remember to remain patient when dealing with an addicted individual. When you suddenly stop enabling an addict, their reaction is most likely not going to be very positive. You may find it easier to give in to their demands and bad behaviour to avoid unsavoury situations. However, remember that enabling will never work, even if an addict tries to convince you otherwise.

Family members and friends of an addict can often be as greatly impacted by the negativity of an addiction as the addict themselves. It isn’t an easy path for anyone involved but there is help for addicts to make a full recovery and for families to rebuild the trust lost and repair the damage done. Remember to be patient, not only with the person you’re concerned for but also with yourself. And don’t forget to be kind to yourself too. In order to help them, you need to maintain your own mental and physical health.

Getting Help from Theocharis Recovery House

There are many forms of addiction, whether related to alcohol, drugs, gambling or food; addiction is a chronic illness that requires professional help. Theocharis recovery house provides intensive inpatiant/outpatient programmes with counselling by professionals who have a wide and varied experience in the treatment of addiction. Everyone who enters Theocharis recovery house is assessed and receives a tailor-made programme for their individual needs. In addition, there are a variety of groups that can be frequented post-treatment that encourage ongoing success in rehabilitation and an avenue to continue discussion, gain further understanding and new knowledge.

If you’re worried about a loved one with an addiction or suspect that they may have one, help is a lot closer than what is often thought. Theocharis recovery house not only provides a safe-haven for an addicted individual but also has a family programme that allows you to become involved in their treatment for your better understanding of their habit.

Our team of professionals are trained to deal with both the psychological and physical effects of addiction, preventing relapse and continued recovery. Don’t wait for addiction to disappear on its own; it won’t. Get the help needed for your loved one now. Contact us today to find out about our programmes.

10 Ways to Nurture Your Spiritual Life

The highest aim of any spiritual path is surrender. Although you may associate the word surrender with defeat or weakness, it is the most powerful spiritual action, offering you infinite freedom and possibilities. Surrender is trusting that God, the Universe, or a higher intelligence can accomplish anything, even when you can’t foresee the outcome of a situation.

At the level of spirit, everything is always unfolding perfectly, and you don’t have to struggle or force situations to go your way. It is only your ego-mind that believes you are an isolated individual trying to survive in a hostile world. In truth, you are a spiritual being. When you surrender to Spirit and listen to voice of your deeper intelligence, you end the struggle. You free yourself from fear and doubt and release the obstacles your ego has created.

The entire spiritual path could be described as learning to let go, but letting go all at once isn’t possible. This is a path of many small steps, a process of replacing automatic reactions with deepened awareness. Here are the guidelines along the path that have proved effective for me personally and that I feel will work for many people:

1. Know your intentions.

Your destiny is to move in the direction of your soul, and the fuel that makes destiny move is intention. Each day, have the intention to let go a little bit more, closing the gap of separation that in only a delusion of the ego. Also unmask your false intentions, which take the form of guilty desires: I want someone else to fail. I want to get even. I want to take something that’s not my own.

False intentions can be elusive, but you can recognize them by the feeling-tone they carry, including fear, greed, rage, hopelessness, and weakness. Sense the feeling first, refuse to buy into it, and then remain aware until you find the intention lurking beneath.

2. Set your intentions high.

Aim to be a saint and a miracle worker. Why not? If you know that the goal of inner growth is to acquire mastery, then ask for that mastery as soon as possible. Don’t strain to work wonders, but don’t deny them to yourself either. The beginning of mastery is vision; see the miracles around you, and that will make it easier for greater miracles to grow.

3. See yourself in the light.

The ego keeps its grip by making you feel needy and powerless. From this sense of lack grows a hunger to acquire everything in sight. Money, power, sex, and pleasure are supposed to fill up the emptiness, but they never do. You can escape this painful illusion if you see yourself in the light. The only difference between you and a saint is that your light is small and a saint’s is great. You are both of the light.

4. See everyone else in the light.

Everyone lives in the same light. When you are tempted to judge another human being, no matter how obviously he or she deserves it, remind yourself that everyone is doing the best he or she can from his or her own level of consciousness.

5. Reinforce your intentions every day.

Everyday life is a kind of swirling chaos, and the ego is entrenched in its demands. You need to remind yourself, day in and day out, of your spiritual purpose. Some people find it helpful to write down their intentions; for others, periods of regular meditation and prayer are useful. Find your center, look closely at yourself and do not let go of your intention until it feels centered inside yourself.

6. Forgive yourself.

We all fall into traps of selfishness and delusions when we least expect it. The chance remark that wounds, the careless lie, and the irresistible urge to cheat are universal. Forgive yourself for being where you are. Apply the same dictum to yourself that you apply to others: I am doing the best that I can from my own level of consciousness. I like one spiritual master’s definition of the perfect disciple: “One who is always stumbling but never falls."

7. Learn to let go.

The paradox of being spiritual is that you are always wrong and always right at the same time. You are right to try to know God, but you are wrong to think that things won’t change tomorrow. Every stage of inner growth is good and is nurtured by God, but when it’s time to move on, don’t hesitate to let go.

8. Revere what is holy.

You may have been brought up to be skeptical of the sacred. In our society, few people spend much time delving into the world’s great wealth of scripture. But the saints and human representatives of God are an infinite treasure. Dipping into this treasure will help you open your heart. The words of a saint or sage might be the right fertilizer at just the moment when your soul wants to blossom.

9. Allow Spirit to lead.

Most people are addicted to worry, control, micromanagement, and doubt. Resist the temptation to follow these tendencies. Don’t listen to the voice that says you have to be in charge, that constant vigilance is the only way to get anything done. Instead, let Spirit try a new way and be willing to experiment. Intend for everything to work out as it should, then let go and allow opportunities to come your way. The outcome you are trying so hard to force may not be as good for you as the one that comes naturally.

10. Embrace the unknown.

Over the years, you have formed likes and dislikes and learned to accept certain limits. None of this is the real you. You can’t force the real you to emerge all at once, however. Because it is painful to strip away the thick layers of illusion, you have to allow the soul to reveal itself in its own time.

Be assured that the unknown is awaiting you – one that has nothing to do with the “I” you already know. The part of you that you know is the part that flickers out all too fast. When you feel a new impulse, an uplifting thought, an insight that you have never acted upon before, embrace the unknown. Cherish it as tenderly as a newborn baby. God lives in the unknown, and when you can embrace it fully, you will be free.​​​​​​​

How to Avoid Relapse in the Early Stages of Recovery

September 4, 2018Alcohol Addiction Treatment, Blog, Recovery, Relapse Prevention

Following a few early sobriety tips can make the transition from treatment to ongoing recovery so much easier. There’s no denying that the first few months can be difficult – you’re on your own again for the first time since entering the programme and your senses are on high alert.

Avoiding relapse and staying alcohol-free is your main objective and, although that can seem like a daunting task, these tips for the early stages of your recovery can make things easier.

1.Take One Day at a Time

Some experts refer to the first 90 days after treatment as the early stages, while others consider a year a more realistic period. In truth, there is no correct time frame. Each person is different, and what seems right for one may not be for another. That’s why it’s so important to take one day at a time. Treat every 24-hour period as a new start and you’ll learn to enjoy the various challenges that each day brings.

2. Make Some Basic Changes

If you really want to stay sober, you need to make a conscious effort to establish new habits and routines. Many people find that even small changes can aid recovery. Obviously, it’s important to distance yourself from the people and places that you associate with drinking. Something as small as choosing an alternative route to work or to the supermarket, one that doesn’t take you past your old hangouts, can be helpful. The change itself isn’t as important as the fact that you are doing something different.

It’s also important to recognise what needs changing. Perhaps you were in the habit of going for a drink after work or pouring a glass of wine as soon as you arrived home. Or maybe you always had an after-dinner drink that turned into more than one. It’s vital that you break the chain, otherwise, you will always be subconsciously reaching for that glass. Try to replace the trip to the pub with something else or do something different when you arrive home. Good alternatives include:

• Spending time with your family
• Sports like football, squash or swimming
• Going for a walk
• Cooking a meal
• Listening to music, watching a film or reading a book
• Going to live events like concerts, plays and exhibitions

3. Plan Ahead

During your treatment programme, you discussed the causes of high-risk situations or HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Avoiding situations that put you at risk is now a priority. A chaotic lifestyle can put you at more risk and hinder your recovery, so it’s well worth developing a regular routine or schedule. Learn how to structure your day or week by creating a lifestyle plan and sticking to it.

Get up and go to bed at reasonable times instead of rising at noon or burning the midnight oil. Eat regular, well-balanced meals at the appropriate times. Attend meetings or support groups and make a note of appointment times. Set aside times for work, chores, shopping and sports or relaxation. Make a chart and stick it to the fridge if you find it helpful or simply add tasks to your planner.

As you get used to doing things at certain times, you’ll establish a normal and manageable cycle and you’re less likely to think about drinking. And, once your life is more structured, you’ll be able to actively pursue long-term goals. These might include a change of career or the start of a college course. Instead of setting goals that may prove unrealistic, set simpler goals that are easier to achieve.

4. Build Healthy Relationships

All addictions are time-consuming. As your need for alcohol accelerated, it’s likely that the only people you saw on a regular basis were fellow drinkers or those who enabled your addiction in some way – carers who picked up drinks from the supermarket or family members who turned a blind eye, for example. These are classed as unhealthy relationships and maintaining them during the early stages of recovery could well lead to relapse.

It’s vital that you form and develop healthy relationships. Your primary goal is to stay clean and, unfortunately, that often means severing links with people who you consciously or subconsciously associate with drinking. It can be difficult where family members are concerned, so aim to limit any contact for at least the first three months.

You may also find that some previously close friends or relatives are less inclined to spend time with you now. Apologise and carry on, there’s only so much that you can do and it takes time to re-establish trust. However, if you stay sober and lead a productive life, people are more likely to give you another chance. Try to meet new people. Join a club or group, it could be a sports club, a book club or an art class, just anywhere that you can potentially make new friends.

However, it’s best to avoid sexual or emotional relationships during the first year of recovery. If things don’t work out with a new partner, you’ll feel lonely, hurt, sad and disappointed, and the emotional stress alone can trigger a relapse. Remind yourself that, in a short time, you’ll be more confident in your ability to stay sober and more able to handle loving relationships.

Go to 12-step meetings or an appropriate support group where you can talk with others who are facing the same challenges. It can be incredibly helpful to discuss day to day details with people who have been clean for some time and they often offer the most useful early sobriety tips.

5. Take Good Care of Yourself

If you drank for any length of time, you’re probably not as fit or healthy as you could be. Exercise can help you to avoid relapse and it can reverse some of the effects that alcohol inevitably had on your system.

Participating in sports or recreational activities when you’re newly sober has several benefits. Physical exertion builds muscle tone and increases core strength. Exercise also triggers the production of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin and the release of endorphins – a process that can reduce stress and boredom and which leaves you feeling happier and more confident.

Combining regular exercise with good nutrition will reduce any lingering post-acute withdrawal symptoms as well as improving your overall health. Try to choose well-balanced meals that are high in protein and low in carbohydrates and drink plenty of water. It’s also worth setting up an ongoing personal care plan during the first few months of recovery. Make appointments for eye and dental check-ups and register with a GP if you don’t already have one. You can find addresses for local practices online.

Finally, during the early stages of recovery, try to exchange the word ‘can’t’ for ‘can’. You can’t drink. You Can, however, expect to live a longer, healthier, happier and less stressful life.

Slips, Relapses and Recovery

If you experience a slip in your sobriety, or even a full-blown relapse, remember that recovery is still possible and you are not beyond help. Nor are you a failure! After a slip-up, you have not unlearned all that you gained from previous treatment and recovery. You can take action to get back on track to be successful.

Relapse is serious, and if using your support and healthy coping skills is not enough to get you back on track after a slip, you may consider re-entering an addiction treatment centre. Even if you have been through alcohol or drug rehab before, there is always more to learn about addiction and recovery. The sooner you get help, the better the chances are of getting and staying sober.

If you would like more information about Theocharis Recovery House 12 step rehab centre, contact us today for a no obligation assessment and to see how we can help you.

Useful Tips to Help You Make It Through Each Day Without Drinking

October 10, 2018Alcohol Addiction Treatment, Blog, Recovery

Avoiding triggers and just getting through the next 24 hours is difficult for all recovering alcoholics and more so for those who have only been clean for a few weeks. Learn how to make it through the day without drinking with the help of our tried and tested tips.

When you first stop drinking, you’re only just starting out on the road to sobriety. It’s a long but rewarding journey but it’s not without its pitfalls. Just getting through each day without succumbing to temptation can be incredibly difficult, especially in the early stages of recovery. However, anyone can have a bad day. No matter how long you’ve been living an alcohol-free life, certain triggers and situations can make your thoughts turn to drink.

Although you are serious about your recovery, relapse can happen to anyone. Up to 90 per cent of alcoholics who have gone on to achieve long-lasting sobriety admit to at least one relapse along the way. Staying sober is a great adventure, with many challenges and difficult times along the way. With that in mind, we’ve come up with some useful tips to help you make it through the day without drinking.

If you are concerned about yourself or someone close to you, Theocharis Recovery House offers specialised alcohol addiction treatment lead by a professional and highly qualified staff. Theocharis will give an assesment and also make a referral to another Partner agaency if needed.

Learn How to Make it Through the Day Without Drinking

Sometimes, getting through the day without drinking is not as easy as it sounds. Some days can be more difficult than others and you’re more likely to feel the urge to drink. Here, we offer a few useful ways to deal with those trying times.

1. Know Your Triggers

Alcoholism is a complex disease and it is often accompanied by stress, anxiety or depression, all of which can act as triggers. Remember what you learned about HALT and high-risk situations in treatment – are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Try to take note of specific things that make you feel like drinking and work out a plan of action. For example, if you feel like drinking after a stressful day at work, take a walk or go to a movie. Try to think of after work activities that are always available. If you find that loneliness exacerbates the problem, create a support network of people you can talk to at a moment’s notice.

2. Replace Drinking with Something Better

Drinking probably took up a fair amount of your time and you may associate certain times of the day with going to the pub or pouring that first drink. If you always had the first drink as soon as you got home or if you went to the pub for two hours each evening, you now have an empty slot that needs to be filled if you want to stay sober. And, of course, your body is probably telling you that it craves alcohol at certain times. Fill trigger times with new activities and integrate them into your regular routine and you’ll find it easier to make it through the day without drinking.

3. Talk it Out

Make sure you have someone to talk to when you feel down; this could be your sponsor, a family member or a sober friend. Going to support groups or meetings is highly beneficial and many alcoholics find that sharing concerns with others in the same situation makes it easier to stay strong and focused. However, it’s essential that you have a support network. This could include friends or relatives who you can be reached quickly at any time, either by phone or in person. Talking to others, about anything, can suppress the urge to drink.

4. Stick to a Routine

Plan your days so that you’re eating, working or exercising at the right times. Stock up on simple, nutritious snacks and non-alcoholic drinks and try to get up and go to bed at certain times. Having a basic routine in place is a vital step on the road to recovery and you’re less likely to be caught unawares if your days are planned and productive.

5. Break the Chain

Humans are creatures of habit, and often, when things get a little difficult we resort to the same old solution—alcohol. Make a conscious effort to replace drinking with other activities that will help you make it through the day without drinking when times get tough. Understand that not all days are the same, some are good and some are more stressful. Knowing this, and realising that they occur at irregular intervals, can help you to come up with ways to deal with any type of day.

6. Keep a Diary or Journal

Keeping a journal or diary provides you with an ongoing overview of the progress you’ve made since you stopped drinking. Writing things down is also a useful way to overcome feelings of anxiety and stress. If you’re worried that you might not make it through the day without drinking, write down what you feel and what you think caused these feelings. Then, make a list of what you can do instead. As well as providing some instant relief, keeping a journal enables you to look back on what worked on previous occasions.

Get Help Now

If you’re struggling to stay sober or worried about someone close to you, do contact us at Theocharis Recovery House Our Addiction Treatment Method combines CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) with mindfulness meditation and a 12-step based programme in a very safe warm loving cosy home.

We also offer a comprehensive range of aftercare that includes Sober safe house Living, a chance for recovering alcoholics/addicts to live in a structured, routine-lead environment that reduces the chance of future relapse.

If you’ve happened to slip-up/relapse, this does not mean you are destined for total failure. Recovery is still possible, but the sooner you act after a relapse the better. Contact us today to get back on your road to recovery. We would be happy to provide you with further information.